How to Make Friends Online: Where to Look and How to Make It Last
Product · by Simone Rainieri · 8 min read · Published · Updated
Adults make friends online in interest-led spaces where the same people turn up repeatedly: Discord servers, hobby and city communities, language exchange apps, online games and friendship apps. What turns a chat into a friendship is repeated contact, then a move from typing to something shared, such as a game, a film or a voice call. Online is a minority route, though. In the Survey Center on American Life's 2021 survey, 8% of Americans said they had made a close friend online, against 54% of those with close friends who had met one through work.
Where adults actually meet friends online
Pick one or two places from this table and go regularly, instead of joining ten and lurking in all of them. Broadcast feeds are missing from the list on purpose: they reward posting, and they rarely give two people a reason to keep talking.
| Place | Best for | Effort | Safety note |
|---|---|---|---|
| Discord servers | A shared interest with regular text and voice chat | Medium: choose one or two small, active servers | Discord has a Discover tab for finding public servers. Set direct messages to filter non-friends, and block or report anyone who pushes |
| Hobby and city communities on Reddit and similar forums | Specific interests and local knowledge | Low to medium | Keep the first weeks of contact on the platform and hold back personal details |
| Language exchange apps such as Tandem | A built-in reason to talk, with corrections and translation tools | Low | Tandem is free to join and says it reviews applications. It supports text, voice notes, audio and video calls |
| Online games and co-op sessions | People who prefer doing something together to open conversation | Medium: the same group most weeks | Voice chat can turn unpleasant quickly, so use mute and block freely |
| Friendship apps | Being introduced, so you do not start from a blank chat box | Low | Check what moderation and reporting exist. Vairi, which introduces members in the UK, keeps names and photos hidden until both people choose to reveal them |
What turns a chat into a friendship
Friendship needs hours of contact, and the kind of hours matters. Jeffrey Hall's University of Kansas research found that time spent hanging out and playing games counted towards friendship far more than time spent working together. Online, that points to shared activity as the fastest route from acquaintance to friend.
- Go back to the same space every week, so people start to recognise you.
- Ask about specifics, such as the game they are stuck on or the recipe they tried, and answer with something specific about yourself.
- After a few good exchanges, move to a private message or a smaller channel.
- Suggest a voice or video call within a couple of weeks, with a purpose: a game, a film, or ten minutes to plan something.
- Put a regular slot in the diary, such as a co-op night on Thursdays.
The step that matters most is small: from public reactions to a real exchange. Reply to something someone said with an actual thought rather than agreement, ask a question you want the answer to, then move to a direct message. In Gillian Sandstrom and Elizabeth Dunn's 2014 study, people reported greater wellbeing on days when they had more interactions with weak ties, so a light, steady exchange already counts. What keeps an online connection shallow is staying in reaction mode, not the medium.
A connection that never leaves the chat box rarely survives once the novelty fades. If you are stuck for things to say, conversation topics for new friends and icebreaker games to play online with someone new give you something to start with, and watching movies with a stranger online covers the shared-screen route.
How long it takes online
Darius Chan and Grand Cheng asked 162 Hong Kong internet users in 2004 to describe one offline friend and one online friend. Offline friendships scored higher on interdependence, breadth, depth, understanding and commitment. Both types improved with the length of the friendship, and the gap between them narrowed over time, with online friendships improving more. Their sample and the platforms are old, so treat it as evidence that online friendships can deepen and not as a benchmark.
For planning, Hall's thresholds of about 50 hours for a casual friend and over 200 for a close friend apply. A two-hour weekly game night with the same person adds up to roughly 100 hours in a year. Three half-hour chats a week would take about 26 weeks to reach 39 hours, so a fixed weekly slot does more than occasional long sessions.
Staying safe while you build friendships online
The main risk beyond bad manners is a scam. The FTC's June 2025 consumer alert describes fake profiles with invented backstories, explanations for why the person can never meet, and eventual requests for money by wire transfer, gift card, payment app or cryptocurrency. Its advice is to talk to friends or family about a new online relationship, search the person's name with the word scammer, run a reverse image search on their photos, and never send money to someone you have not met in person.
- Treat any request for money, gift cards or crypto as the end of the friendship, however warm it has been.
- Keep personal details, such as your address, workplace and full name, back until you trust the person. This is our advice, not a platform rule.
- On Discord, turn on the direct message filter for non-friends, control who can send friend requests, and use two-factor authentication, all from Discord's own safety guidance.
- Be wary of anyone who always has a reason not to video call.
- Block and report on the platform, and report scams at ReportFraud.ftc.gov if you are in the US.
If an online friendship moves offline
Some online friendships end up in the same city. If you meet, keep the first time short and public, tell someone where you're going and when you'll be back, sort out your own way home and keep your address to yourself until you know the person. If something feels off, trust the pause, even before you can say why.
A quieter way to start
If joining a busy space feels like too much, some apps choose introductions for you. Vairi begins with a short AI-led interview, then introduces you to one compatible person in an anonymous chat, where names and photos stay hidden until both of you choose to reveal them. It gets you to a first conversation. The regular contact afterwards is still up to the two of you.
When the effort only goes one way
Sometimes you carry the whole thing and it never comes back. That's a mismatch of effort, not a personal failure. Friendship should feel roughly two-way even in the first few weeks, and it's fine to stop chasing and put that energy where it's returned.
Key takeaways
Choose one or two interest-led spaces and return to them weekly. Move promising chats to a shared activity and then a voice or video call within a couple of weeks. Chan and Cheng found the gap between online and offline friendship quality narrowed over time, and Hall's research points to about 50 hours for a casual friend. Never send money to someone you have not met, whatever the story.
Related reading: how to make friends as an adult, friendship apps without swiping, and the best video chat apps for meeting new people.
Can you make real friends online?
Yes. Chan and Cheng found online friendships scored lower at first than offline ones, but improved more as the friendship lasted, and the gap narrowed. In a 2021 US survey, 8% of adults said they had made a close friend online, so it is a smaller route than work or school.
Where can adults make friends online?
Interest-based Discord servers, hobby and city communities, language exchange apps such as Tandem, co-op games and friendship apps. Choose one or two and return regularly.
How do you move an online chat into a real friendship?
Return to the same space weekly, ask specific questions, move to a private chat after a few good exchanges, then suggest a voice or video call with a purpose, such as a game or a film, and set a regular time.
How long does it take to make a friend online?
Hall's research suggests about 50 hours for a casual friend and over 200 for a close friend. A two-hour weekly game night gives roughly 100 hours in a year.
Is it safe to make friends online?
It can be, with care. The FTC advises never sending money to someone you have not met, searching their name and photo, and telling friends or family about a new online relationship. Keep personal details back early on.
What if someone I met online asks for money?
Do not send it. The FTC says a request for money from an online friend is a common scam, especially when the person cannot meet in person. Cut contact, report them to the platform and report the scam at ReportFraud.ftc.gov.
What if I'm always the one reaching out first?
Early on, one person often does more, so give it a few weeks. If the effort never comes back, that's a mismatch rather than a failure on your part, and it's fine to put your energy where it's returned.
How do I stay safe if I meet an online friend in person?
Meet somewhere public, keep it short, tell someone where you're going and when you'll be back, and arrange your own way home. Keep your address private until you trust the person.
Sources, all checked on 24 September 2026: Survey Center on American Life, The State of American Friendship (2021); Chan and Cheng, A comparison of offline and online friendship qualities at different stages of relationship development (2004); University of Kansas, Study reveals number of hours it takes to make a friend (2018); FTC Consumer Advice, Did a new online friend ask for money? (12 June 2025); Discord Safety, Four steps to a super safe account; Tandem. Checked on 26 October 2026: Sandstrom and Dunn, Social interactions and well-being: the surprising power of weak ties (Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 2014).
Read next: How to Meet People as an Adult Without It Feeling Forced
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